Mistakes Led to Happiness

This one is a little hard for to write. I don't know if I'll have all the perfect words. However, I'll try my best. I'm writing it in hopes that even if it helps one person, I'll consider it a win. I got asked today what changed for me over the last year. What my tipping point was. To give you the answer to that, I need to give you a back story. 

Somewhere along the way of life, I became very insecure and unhappy with myself. I tried so hard to fit in and be like everyone else. I grew up in a very religious home. I had never doubted my parents loved me. Out of all things in life, I'm certain my parents love me. However, I got stuck in this cycle of trying to please people. I always did what I was told and rarely got in trouble as a kid. I believed everything anyone ever told me and I never ventured to question anything. 

This became difficult growing up, not only in a religious home, but a religious community. I distinctly remember if someone had tried alcohol (or coffee for that matter), looked at porn, had sex, didn't go to church, didn't read their scriptures, ect... They had ventured off the deep end. I did what my parents taught me cause I respected them, and I never felt like I belonged to the LDS church. I felt like it wasn't who I was. I was so scared to tell anyone that though. I was scared to say maybe this isn't for me. I mean how couldn't it be for me, the people I respected more than anyone were believers. I did like everyone else, attended church, went on a mission, agreed to callings, prayed, and read my scriptures never without any questions. 

I've read a lot of things where people now said they finally realized they had been brainwashed or how bad the LDS religion is, ect. I am not in that same category. Not even a little bit. I believe Mormons can be some of the kindest, most understanding, forgiving people that are out there. I mean my mom for example. There's no one more loving and tolerant than her. Between myself and my little brother you kind of have to be. Like anything, there are people who fit in the 10% that frankly are just dicks. I know a kid that went to the same mission as me and was in the same group as me say some of the most nasty things behind my back and proclaimed himself to be a great active member. Like anything I believe those people exist. For me, I feel loved and supported by most people that I know. 

I got married in the temple and started not going to church. I started doing other things. I was so unsure about life, that I was extremely unfair to my ex-wife. She didn't know what she signed up for. She wanted to be an active member and slowly over time I was starting to realize I didn't. Jess and I were always friends, but never saw eye to eye on a lot of things. Unfortunately for me and her, I took the cowards way out and cheated. I wasn't man enough to tell her, I didn't want the same things as her. I learned a lot from Jess. Continued to this day. She never threw me under the bus. She never took my kids away. She's never used that against me. She ended up marrying a pretty damn good dude, who's also great with my kids. 

I was at a low place in my life and met a girl who changed a lot of different things for me. The relationship was doomed from the start. To be honest, we just weren't good for each other. I think both of us just wanted to be loved by someone and were willing to compromise to get what we considered love. Instead of being independently happy, we were reliant on each other for love and happiness. I don't know if you've ever been in this position before, but it's a terrible place to be. On the outside looking in, it looked like we were happy. However, reality is we weren't. We fought all the time. Said terrible things to each other. I quickly learned that you never know what a persons life is like. You never know what they are going through. 

We ended up getting engaged and I think in the back of my mind I thought everything would change. It just made it worse. Everything became an insecurity. Nothing we ever did was good enough for the other person. I was so reliant on her for happiness, I didn't even know what happiness was. Eventually she ended up leaving one day, at that time I didn't understand why? i was so hurt, I never knew how I could get over what had just happened. Never in my life did I realize that was the start of the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Let me get something clear. Before you think I hate this person and am glad they are out of my life, that is the farthest thing from the truth. I'm super grateful for her. She helped me in a round a bout way become who I am today. She helped me step away from what I was taught and that it was ok to be different. She showed me it's ok to be crazy passionate about something regardless of what anyone else says. At the end of the day, you have to be you. I respect her passion for life. She was bat shit crazy, but that's what makes her great. We just weren't great for one another. 

When she left it turned everything I ever knew upside down and I didn't know best how to deal with what life had thrown my way. So what did I decide to do? The worst thing I could possibly have chosen of course. Why you ask? Because usually I like to learn the hardest way possible. I don't make things easy on myself. I made up a bunch of stuff that wasn't true, didn't take the breakup like a man, became fixated on things she told other people about me, and reacted when she threw something back in my face instead of letting it go, ect. It goes on forever. I let it effect each aspect of my life. I fixated on it. I couldn't shake it from my brain. I got let go from work because I wasn't doing my job correctly, I spent less time with my kids, I became super unhappy. I had been so dependent on someone, I forgot how to make myself happy. My daughter stopped coming to my house she was so mad at me. Blaming me for everything that happened. She was visibly hurt. My life became a shit show. 

I owe a lot of people a lot of thanks for never giving up on me. I'm certain I was a complete disaster of a human. Frankly, at that point in my life probably a waste of space. I wasn't a good dad or person for that matter. I'm not overreacting, I'm just being honest. I wasn't happy. I hated every day. Every moment. Every second. I just wanted to wake up and start all over. I was so embarrassed about everything in my life. I couldn't face anything I had done. Then, it all changed. 

I think occasionally we get a moment of inspiration that can change our lives forever. I started a run up a mountain in Little Cottonwood Canyon all by myself on an overcast day. It started to snow but I kept going. I started to breathe hard. Sweat started coming down my face and the run became a head on collision with all problems I had faced in life. I kept running harder and harder. The snow was falling like crazy It was a white out but I didn't stop. It got steep and slippery but I didn't stop. I got to the top of the mountain and felt so vindicated. I finally put together a couple things that I had known all my life. I could change. I could change right that second and didn't have to wait any longer. Here's what I realized:

1. It was ok to be me. It was ok to not be an active LDS member. I could be happy by doing what I believed was right, regardless of what thousands around me believed. 
2. It's ok to be different. Fitting in isn't that cool anyways. The only thing in life you can do is be you. There's enough people in this world that someone is bound to accept you. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with anyways. 
3. To be great, you have to surround yourself with greatness. I believe and will always believe, you will be like the people you surround yourself with. I already had amazing parents, siblings, great kids, Nate, and so many others. I chose aat that moment to surround myself with great people and that's help make so much difference in my life. I have the best friends. I'm only a decent person because all you that read this are great! I have the best examples of friends in this entire world. 

4. Be selfless: So simple, so unassuming, but oh so difficult. Make someone else happy. It's amazing how quickly you forget about who has "wronged you" when you are serving someone else. This is something my dear parents taught me as a little boy. I've always known this but constantly forget. Mow someone's lawn, call and ask someone how their day is, offer help, take a friend out to dinner. Go out of your way to make a strangers day. Spend less time thinking about yourself. Stop worrying about you and start giving a shit about someone else.

5. Be kind: It doesn't cost a damn thing to be kind. There's no need to be rude. Let me make something clear, being kind doesn't mean being nice to 75% of the people we know. It means being kind to those we don't want to be kind to. Kindness is all-inclusive not exclusive. We don't need to be unkind to those that have wronged us. Fact of the matter is we never know what others are going through. Smile, listen, offer advice, and stop being a dick.

6. Don't ring the bell: Life is so hard, however the greatest joys have come when I did something I didn't think I could. If you commit to something, do it. Stop making excuses. Doing really hard things is pretty damn fun. I bought a cowbell and took the ringer out as a daily reminder that no matter how difficult life becomes, we don't ring the bell. It's ok to cry, be frustrated, yell, scream, or have doubt. However keep moving forward and don't you quit!

7. It's ok to make mistakes. It's never ok to run from them and hide. 

8. It's never ok to not take responsibility for things. Since we all make mistakes know what yours are and own them. Don't blame other people for your own short comings. Do what you can. 

9. Don't worry about what you can't control. Why you ask? You'll never be able to control it anyways. 

10. Don't judge. just don't f*cking do it. We all have hard things in life and we never know where others are at in life. 

11. Most importantly, spend time with your kids. They need it, you need it. Trust me on this one. 

I have learned a lot of lessons in life, mostly all the hard way. I do my own thing, I say what I think, I'm not an active mormon member, I use bad words, I occasionally drink, I've done everything in life you can do wrong. However, if you needed something I'd be there, if you need help I'm the person you call, if you need someone to listen my ears are open, I work hard, I never talk negatively on others, I love my children, and most importantly through everything that's ever happened to me in life I've found happiness. I do random shit, but I have fun. I remember the little things. I put others first. I have fun. I climb mountains. Ride my bike. Take vacations. Play like my son. Laugh at dirty jokes. Drink wine. Swim in mucky lakes. This is me. This is who I am. This is why I act the way I do. I've finally found who I am. This is why I'm happy. 

Surround yourself with greatness and you can't lose.

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not an elite athlete, I'm not an expert in any field, nor have I done anything of significance in my life. However, these are the things I've personally done, specifically over the last 5 months that have allowed me to achieve some personal goals I never thought were possible for me. I've been happier than I've ever been and I attribute a lot of that to these five things I've implemented in my life.

1. Have Fun- If what you're doing isn't fun, you'll quit almost every time. If it's something you aren't passionate about, it's never worth it. There's going to be days you'll be out on a bike in the 100 degree weather, up studying till 3 am, writing a book with no logical ideas flowing. If there's no fun or passion, it will suck a million times more on those rough days. You'll quit a million times over if you don't love it.

2. The People- Let me explain, this has been one of the biggest changes I've made and have seen incredible results. First of all, don't you dare for one second, surround yourself with people that don't believe in you. Get rid of the negativity in your life and do it now. You don't have to compete with anyone, you don't have to listen to anyone's bullshit. It's draining, it's demeaning, and it will kill your spirit. Use the unfriend, unfollow, block button or whatever you have to do and do it. You don't owe anyone an explanation if someone makes you feel like less of a person. Trust me, getting the negative energy and unkind people out of your life that have ulterior motives than being a support system for you, will be a weight off your shoulders.

Secondly surround yourself with people that are great and better than you. I've been so blessed. For real: My two babies, parents, sister, brother, brother in law, Nate, Nat, Enoch, Dan, Eric, Mark, Allison, Ashley, Ashlan, Cait, all my E3 teammates, Zoot team, people I've rolled with on the bike, hit the mountains on the trails with, high school boys I train, the list could go on forever. I'm inspired to see what exciting things they push themselves to. They've taught me limits are not barriers but just mile markers. My friends are anything but average, they do mountain bike races, documentaries, ultra marathons, Ironmans, podcasts. How could I be anything less than inspired every single day? I am who I am because of them!

Surround yourself with greatness and you can't lose.

3. Have A Plan-You have to have a plan. It's almost impossible to know where you're going without a roadmap. It's hard to know what your goals, dreams, and aspirations are. As cliché as it is, if you don't plan, plan to fail. Start each day, week, month, and year with a plan. Know where you're going and how you're going to get there. Readjust this roadmap as necessary.

4. Do The Things That are the Hardest-In any endeavor we take on there's things we just aren't good at. There will be things, we just don't want to do! They just f*cking suck. I was never good at hills on the bike. Why? Because they hurt every time I did them. They hurt because I never did them. I was never willing to take that step to confront my fears and face them straight on. I'm not amazing at hills but after 125,000 ft of elevation gain in three months I'm much better than I used to be. The things that you want to constantly navigate away from are most likely the things you need to do.

5. Consistency-This means so many different things to me. It means doing what you say you're going to do each and every day, it means sacrificing a Friday night to get done what you said you were going to do, it requires going out in the rain, snow, sun, or whatever to finish something. It basically means doing something every single day regardless of the circumstances or challenges. Consistency over a sustained period of time is anything but easy, but necessary.

Be unwavering, be strong, be consistent, be great, and be relentless.

Do It Until You Can't Get It Wrong

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever believe a 5 year old would teach me so much about life. Occasionally I feel like the child and it’s my little one who is wise beyond her years. Here’s the thing, most of us watch speeches, listen to talks, read books; talk the talk but rarely do our actions match our thoughts and or words.

I consider myself a pretty resilient person. I may go as far as calling it a strength of mine. However, what I’ve learned from my daughter doesn’t even put me in the same category as she is.

Let me give you a brief example. I bought my daughter a balance bike a while ago so she could learn balance. My hope was this would help her transition easily to a regular bike. I didn’t know the exact science behind it, but I figured we’d give it a try. The time came for her to get a “normal bike.” My only caveat was I told her she wasn’t allowed to put training wheels on the bike and had to wear a helmet, all things that she agreed to.

She took her bike outside and got on it. She fell. Quickly after the fall she got back on. Fell again. A third time she got back on the bike, any guesses to what happened? That’s right, she fell again. Now here’s my first point. Most of us, myself included, when it gets hard, would try again another day. Not my 5 year old. She got back on time after time right then and there. She wasn’t frustrated or mad. She kept herself together and continued to learn. Over the hour I watched her ride, she learned how to stop her bike, how to put her foot down when she wasn’t moving quickly enough, and to pedal the bike.

Finally after an hour of doing this all by herself, she rode her bike all the way down the street. Elated and getting it on video, I gave her a hug and asked if she wanted to come inside now. What I didn’t think would happen was her response. Simply she stated, “No. I’m going to keep practicing so I can balance better and learn to ride faster.”

I was stunned. It wasn’t good enough for her to just learn how to do something right. She was going to improve and practice until she could nearly master the trade.

This was a great life lesson for me. To watch such a small bit of tenacity go such a long way in a short amount of time. Amazing. Truly. Things are hard. We will fall, want to quit, throw in the towel. However, at that exact moment we should learn and discover why we fell, and then get right back up and try again. Most importantly, none of us should stop when we get it right. We need to keep at it until  we can no longer get it wrong.

Take a step away, gather yourself, and get your shit together

Learn how to step away, gather yourself, and get your shit together.

We’ve all been in that moment of panic, despair, where we felt like everything was closing in on us. Our muscles were too sore, too weak, too fatigued to continue on. The last thing we wanted to do was run one more mile, or lift one more weight. We had convinced our mind a thousand times over that it was ok to quit and we had already pushed hard enough. There were other athletes and people that were standing around, yelling at us to go faster or lift more but we had already decided we were done.

I’ve learned one very important thing in these moments of panic and despair. It’s ok to step away from the bar, breathe deep, count to ten, and tell yourself to get your shit together.

I was on a run two weeks ago, my legs weren’t feeling it and I had told myself it hurt too much and I was going to only run four miles instead of the planned seven. At mile four when I had originally told myself I was going to quit, I stopped. However, instead of quitting, I took a deep breath, counted to ten, told myself to stop being a pansy and to get my shit back together. I don’t know why, but it worked. It slowed the pain and the panic down that I had originally been feeling and I finished the seven miles.

It’s ok to take a step away and gather yourself. Occasionally we need that moment to ourselves saying it will be ok. The next time you feel overwhelmed no matter what exercise in sports or life you are doing, slow your body down, take a deep breath, count to ten, and get your shit back together. Then get back to it and hit it harder than you ever thought was possible.

A Hero Amongst Us

This past weekend one of my very best friends was involved in a life altering accident. Coming home from a fun night out, the car they were driving careened off the freeway flipping three times. Through the midst of this tragedy, my friend’s life partner, threw his body over hers to protect her from any harm coming her way. The car finally skid to a terrifying stop. Silence filled the air. My friend threw herself out of the car to run to the other side to see if the love of her life was indeed ok. As she approached the other side of the vehicle, she knew at that exact moment that things would be different. The paramedics took him out of the car and rushed him into surgery to begin the repair of facial fractures and many other serious injuries he sustained. He currently sits in critical condition with brain swelling amidst a hundred other things. 

When my friend shared this horrific story, it reminded me of something that is so simple but seems to be incredibly difficult. It’s a small tragedy that each of us will go through at some point in our lives.  In a blink of an eye, everything we have ever come to know – love or  hate – can change. That’s it. In one split fucking second a moment can alter life as we have come to know it. People we love can be gone before we can say a word. Goals and dreams can be dashed without warning. 

A story like this puts everything into crystal clear perspective. And all of us need to cut it out. Stop taking loved ones for granted.  Stop being mean or short. No more holding grudges.  No judging.  No criticizing. Just cut it out. All of it.

Yet it seems so difficult to look at all we have, and realize in the blink of an eye, it could vanish.  I believe, and will always believe, that we see what we want to see. The faults we once found attractive become something we despise in those we love. The jokes we used to laugh at come at annoyance. The once awesomeness and dedication becomes an old memory.

Look, trust me when I say I understand how terrible people can be. I’ve been both the asshole and the person that was put down as many of us in life have been. Be grateful for everyone that has at some point been put in your life. Too often we take those closest to us for granted. Too often we focus on the flaws that other people have and not the strengths they’ve blessed our lives with. 

I did something I’ve never done before. I wrote down the names of ten people that I felt had wronged me, or I didn’t like very much. I thought about each individual I had jotted down and wrote three things about them I liked. Each person, whether they ever know it or not, taught me some kind of lesson I will be eternally grateful for.

Tell those that mean the world to you how much they mean to you. Tell them you love them. Hug them, do stupid things with them. Live your life as if today is the last day you’ll spend with them.  I know that I’m going to give my two little babies the biggest hug and kiss whether they want it or not the next time I see them.

To my dear friend Amber, thank you for showing me we all make mistakes but we love anyways. We know the mistakes of those closest to us because we know more about them then anyone else. Love them for their flaws, love them for everything special they do in our lives, and love them for the many blessing s they bring to your life.

To Chris, you have a support system way beyond anything you could ever imagined. Be the fighter you are and give it everything you got. For someone that throws his or her body over another’s is nothing short of a real life hero. Thank you for showing us that heroes still exist.

6 Things I'd Do If They Weren't Illegal

1. Rob a bank-You heard me right; this actually may be my career if getting caught didn’t entail spending life in prison. It seems like the ultimate game. You try to protect your money as best you can, and I’ll try to take it from you.

2. Swim in the fountains that have the no swimming signs up-First of all if there’s a sign that says, “don’t, no touching, no crossing, ect” It seems more like a challenge to me. When at no point had I ever thought about doing what it told me to not do, it now had become one of the only things I know for sure I want to do.  I’d love to be backstroking through the Bellagio fountains as they are going off.

3. I’d eat a pot brownie for certain-Look I’m a runner and would never put any kind of smoke down my lungs ever. However, those individuals that smoke pot just look like they are having the time of their lives. So why I’d never smoke it, I may eat a pot brownie.

4. Light fireworks, wherever and whenever the hell I wanted to-Yeah, I’d basically walk around with a bag full of fireworks and light them off each time I entered a room or just when I felt like it.  Reminds me of being in Europe on New Year’s as I was walking down the street and people were shooting bottle rockets out their apartment windows. So scary but so badass.

5. Trespass-See the thing is I’d like to find a way to get into a house (without breaking anything) so I’d just be entering. Instead of stealing things, I’d like to rearrange things. When the individual got home, they’d find their bed in the kitchen, dinner table in the bathroom, ect. You know that type of stuff.
6. Swim naked in public-I don’t know why, I just would. I’ve enjoyed my speedo swimming, so I suppose this is the next step.

To Dock or Not: Utah Crazy

Utah has some absolutely crazy things. Some of the crazy is because of lack of cultural awareness and other things are a little strange even to the most liberal Utahn. 

But for me, I love everything about Utah. Cray cray or not. It’s my refuge. My place of escape, and my home.  Living here I’ve heard some unbelievable things, however what I heard yesterday takes the cake.  Let me preface by saying this may be a little graphic, so stop reading if you’re a little soft. 

Docking or soaking, those two words really didn’t mean much to me until recently. Those from Utah, or more explicitly, those from Utah County, may already know what I’m talking about. For those that don’t, let me explain.

Most of us understand what sex is? If you don’t… Not much I can do to help you, besides tell you to google it. Docking refers to the term where the male inserts his penis into the vagina and just sits there.  He doesn’t move, she doesn’t move, he is just docked there. 

A couple I talked to recently isn’t allowed to have sex before marriage. However they stated, “docking isn’t sex.” You could imagine the wheels in my brain spinning as I tried to process this concept. I could only process these three thoughts as they began telling me about it:

1. Yes, it is sex. You’re insane. Case.closed. 

2. Why? Just why?! Docking? Even the name is bizarre. Is it a boat? What size boat? Where ya docking it? Do you dock often? Ok, enough.

3. The dude obviously has way more self control than I ever will. This is similar to taking me to a bike store where everything is free but telling me I’m the only one that won’t be allowed to take anything home with me. You just sit there. You literally don’t move. How in the hell is this fun? Why? Just why?!

Utah is crazy but this was something that I couldn’t believe. It makes zero sense to me. However, it made my day and so of course, I wanted to share. You’re welcome.

100 Days of Crushing Rejection

Rejection. It hurts. Or at least we have convinced ourselves of that. As rejection sets in, we believe it has something to do with us. Rejection can be debilitating. It may stop us from chasing our dreams. From getting what we want.

Think about it. Have you decided against asking someone out because you were afraid they’d say no? What about trying to get that new job? Tell someone how you felt about them?

Rejection. It stops us in our tracks. Even just the perception of it, never knowing whether or not it would actually come true.

Well for me, rejection is a fear. And it’s real. I’ve convinced myself it’s not ok. So, over the last couple of months I’ve tried to change that; tried to work hard to get past this mental roadblock I’ve created over rejection. I’ve taken this time to do things I never thought I could. I haven’t succeeded at all, but I’ve learned a lot.

Recently I decided to take it up a notch. With the help of my cousin Nate Bagley, we created a group that has committed to doing one thing a week that scares the shit out of you.  Well then that didn’t see like enough. So Nate sent me this video where a gentleman decided to do something once a day for 100 days where you go out and look for rejection. At the time, this seemed like such a crazy concept. However, I decided that I was in. I would face my fear. We formed a group of 4 to hold each other accountable. It was also decided we would come up with challenges for one another to do.  It was important to me that the three other would follow through and were as crazy as I was.

This concept and idea got me excited but something happened as I received my first challenge today. I thought I couldn’t do it. Day one challenge one and I already said to myself, ‘I can’t do it.  That’s crazy!’ However, I committed and I’m all in. I’m ready to fail and fail big.

I’m certain I will post pictures and video as we all encounter different obstacles. This is something that absolutely scares the shit out of me. However, I understand chasing your dreams requires putting everything out there and being able to deal with the consequences.

As we go through this process hopefully we’ll realize that it’s the smallest things we are the most afraid of. And throughout the next 100 days I hope we learn to crush rejection.

If this scares you, join our 100 days of rejection. Getting more people to the party is always fun. If you choose to do it, have fun, good luck, and let us know how your journey is going!

As for me, I’m off to face my first rejection challenge. Take it easy.

32 Life Lessons For My Littles

My children have always been the center of my universe.  Here are 32 pieces of advice they will be learning from their dad!

1. You always choose tails in a coin flip.
2. Always stick up for your family and friends.
3. ALWAYS believe in yourself, no matter what.
4. If someone gets hurt, it’s only ok to laugh if they don’t look hurt.
5. If you’re rude to someone, I will have no tolerance.  Mean people suck. But remember to always be kind.
6. Fountain drinks at the gas station always taste better than 2-liter bottles at the store.
7. In my house, Santa Claus will always exist.  It’s better to believe that a ghost may walk down the stairs and scare the shit out of you. Makes life much more interesting.
8. Stand up for what you believe in. Being quiet to avoid confrontation is not ok. It doesn’t make you kind. It makes you passive.
9. You’ll make mistakes. Suck it up, learn from it and move on.
10. We do not cheer for BYU. Ever.
11. If the computer is broken, just turn it off and then back on. I don’t know why this works but it does.
12. Dress with class.
13. If you hear some funny/loud noises coming from my shut bedroom door, don’t open the DAMN DOOR.
14. Most of the things you worry about will never happen.
15. If you end up in jail, you probably better call me and not your mom. I’ll be mad. She’ll be furious.
16. We never push or hit girls and we always open doors. Chivalry should never be dead.
17. I get to shoot a super soaker at your face for every second you waste playing Nintendo.
18. We may fail, but we never quit.
19. If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw a chocolate at her.
20. No one ejects his or her USB safely from the computer. It’s just a big waste of time. Just pull it out.
21. For the love of God, don’t stick hand soap in the dishwasher.
22. I make mistakes, get used to it.
23. Come up with a better answer than, “I didn’t answer because my phone died.”
24. I’ll push education more than sports. You won’t understand this in school, but when you get older you’ll thank me.
25. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
26. When in doubt, mumble.
27. You can drink, but only in moderation.
28. If you judge someone for his or her race, sexual orientation, gender, or religion I will judge you for being stupid.
29. Winning is fun, but it teaches you nothing. Failure is the best teacher in this world. Winning is a trophy, failing is an education.
30. If I take you to a sporting event, know if you want to leave before it’s over you’re never coming again.
31. The best things in life aren’t things.
32. No matter what you do, what stupid decision you make, I will always love you.

Eric Doehrman

It’s been a little hard to believe all the support I’ve gotten from this blog. I did it just as a fun idea, thinking it would only be something my mom would read. Shocked that thousands have read it. I’ve been so blessed throughout my life to have come across some of the most incredible people. I think on Thursday’s I will do a “Thankful Thursday” blog on someone who has in someway shape or form touched my life.

Eric Doehrman

Have you ever had a dream that you could feel but that you’re not quite sure you could explain? Did your dream leave you without a road map, never knowing exactly how you were going to get there again? My dream was about triathlon. And with it, my dreams have me achieving some pretty amazing things.

 

But just like in life, we have big things we want to accomplish and often times, we don’t have a compass telling us how to get there.

 

If we’re lucky though, we may meet someone who is wise beyond their years; someone who has so much to teach that if whether we have years together, or only have a few brief moments, they can change our lives forever.

 

For those like this, they can bring out the best in us, show us how to believe in ourselves when everyone else doubts us. These are the kind of people that make you believe anything is possible. They don’t tell you it’s going to be easy but, they teach that you through hard work and dedication, anything’s possible.

 

Let me introduce you to Eric Doehrman. Eric’s who’s helping me reach my dreams. He’s the man with the compass.

 

Eric’s been my coach, my mentor, and a friend to me for years. He’s helped countless individuals realize their dreams by giving them the right map to chase them down. He’s the first one who believed in me, and I’ve seen that same great passion of his exude onto others. He’s the kind of guy who is first to pick you up and the last hanging around when you need someone. He’s many people’s biggest supporter. And when you believe you can’t, Eric’s there to help you understand and believe that yes you can.

 

Eric has a way about him. And there’s always a method to his madness. He’s the type you listen to, a coach that’ll make you faster, stronger and better. He knows the limits of his athletes and he's never satisfied with mediocrity. He does his homework and understands the sport of triathlon better than anyone I’ve ever met.

 

Eric’s smarts translate off the field as well. He’s a man that taught me that family comes first. As much fun as triathlon is, being a dad is more important. Family is scheduled first, triathlon second. He’s a humble guy, never asks for praise. He’s one who always leads by example. Not only does he talk the talk, he walks the walk. The love he has for his wife beams from his; he cares for his kids, and takes care of his athletes.

 

For all he’s taught me, to say I’m lucky to have come across this incredible man, is quite an understatement. Thanks, E. I owe you. Big.

The Kindness Cure

I owe this article to a lot of different people I have met throughout my life. Because of some recent comments and opinions, my mind has been spinning; the thoughts I finally jotted down today.

Kindness. One simple word. I've reflected a lot on this one word, while it also draws a lot of attention to my flaws. So I asked myself what does kindness really look like? Is it even something that can be reached or does the true definition of kindness only exist in fairytales? 

For so long, kindness was a theme that was commonly used in high school and college to describe women or men we didn't find attractive. It became apparent that making up some word would be better than not saying anything at all. It became a go-to that most of us would use to characterize certain people. I can't count how many times I heard the phrase, "but she's really nice." It almost became an insult to be known as kind.

Words like bitch, jerk, asshole, dick and so many others have become common place in our society. It’s now ok to be a bitch because apparently that defines a person as getting and knowing what they want. People define themselves as this as if it's ok. The number of times I've heard, "he couldn't handle me because I can be a bitch" is unbelievable.

Want to insult someone nowadays? Tell them they’re kind. Watch them squeal as they wonder if that is the only word you will use to define them. Don't believe me? Go try it. I did it all morning and more often than not people responded with, "Thanks. I guess."  

Yes, I really did it….I went to the mall this morning in Salt Lake City and asked 100 different people if they considered themselves to be kind. 93 people responded they did. When I then asked if they were kind to everyone they know: only 23 people responded they were. 70 percent believed they were kind people but weren't kind all the time. The seven percent that responded they weren't kind also stated they were kind to some people. I find it interesting that 93% of people considered themselves kind but admitted they weren't kind to everyone. This leads me to believe that do we actually know what true kindness is. But ask yourself, someone saw you behind closed doors, would they consider you kind?

As pain sets into our heart throughout our lives, we get momentary gratification when we throw pain onto someone else. Our shallow minds believe that if we hurt someone else, it will make us look better or feel better. Hate is a drug that can be very addicting, at times almost impossible to quit. Hate becomes cheap and easy, as negative comments about an individual roll off tongues as if these words are gospel truth. We rarely know a chapter of the truth in someone's life but act as if we know the whole book. It's easier to jump off the “making fun of” cliff with our buddies than to put our foot down and say, "Fuck that. I think that person is badass." I don't know why standing up for someone and being kind has become so difficult. We all believe that because we’re kind to our friends, that we’re truly kind. Really? I’m calling bullshit on that. Kindness isn't mutually exclusive.   It’s all inclusive. 

Let me be clear.  I'm no exception to this rule. I've taken the hate drug more times than I can possibly count and it's never led me to satisfaction. Making fun of someone, while maybe given me temporary gratification, has never given me lasting comfort and joy.  My mother taught me based of her actions what kindness looks like. I've never heard her say a bad thing about anyone, ever. Being rude is not something I was taught growing up. It was never present in my house. 

These past 6 months, I've had the opportunity to climb more mountains and be on more peaks than ever in my life. The mountain trails are beautiful. Each one is so different. Some are gradual inclines over a longer distance, while others have a steeper elevation over a shorter distance. While each path is different, the elevation gain is the same. There are hundreds of ways to get the top. No which way being better than the next.

This is the same with each person we meet. They may choose a different path but we’re all on the same mountain. Each trail and each person has their own distinct qualities that make them beautiful. As we climb our individual trails, we’ll stumble and fall but none of us should be characterized by that. Rather, we should be defined by our journey, not judged by which path. When we can recognize and lift others up, we will begin to understand what life is all about. 

Over the next 30 days, I'm starting a challenge to be positive and show compassion and kindness. I ask you to join me. It’s my goal to right some of the wrongs I've done; to be kind to some of those I haven't. I have some tough phone calls to make and some hard letters to write, but I'm committed to kindness and compassion. I'll track my journey and for once in my life I'm done taking the cheap hate drug and look to find the exclusive kindness pill. 

To anyone else who wants to join this journey with me, let me know. Let's start a group and begin a kindness movement. Let's make being kind cool again. 

The Scariest Things A Woman Can Say

This article is simple, these are ten of scariest things I’ve heard from women throughout my life. 

1.    “I’m fine” or the text “K.” These are two of the scariest things you could possibly say. When you respond this way, I know I’m in trouble, I just don’t know why. She isn’t fine though. Whereas when men say this they usually mean either “I’m fine” or “Give me a minute and I’ll be fine,” when a woman says this she means “Guess what’s bothering me right now.” Since you aren’t a mind reader, you aren’t ever going to guess right. You might even overplay your hand and give her ten other things to be mad at you about. Tread lightly until she decides to tell you, in painstaking detail, precisely how she’s not fine. When it comes to text, I will text something like, “hey sweet girl, I miss you” to which I get a response back, “k.” I begin racking my brain to my core wondering what I did. It could really be anything. I could have forgotten to do something or you could have read a text on my phone that made you made.

2.     “No, I don’t mind if you do X.” Whether it’s playing video games or heading out for a night with the boys, rest assured, if you have to ask, she minds, and she minds big time. When you roll back in, get ready for the silent treatment or at least the terse treatment. Think of this as a prequel to “I’m fine” and you’ll start to understand things a bit better.

3.    “Where do you want to eat for dinner? Or It’s up to you.” This one is one of the biggest tricks you play on our male species. You generally reply with, “I don’t care, you choose.” I pick somewhere, which the reply generally becomes, “ugh, I really want anything besides Mexican food.” I pick again and while sitting at the restaurant you go quiet. I ask what is wrong to which you tell me, “I’m fine.” No we are back to square one and I’m in trouble and I don’t know why.

4.    “I want to set my friend up, do you think she’s hot?” Guys, tread very lightly on this one. If you say, “yeah she’s way hot” that phrase will be used against you from the remainder of your relationship. Every time that girl ever shows up at any party you are at with your significant other there will be passive aggressive jokes about how you suddenly wish you came to the party with that other girl cause she’s so hot.

5.    “I’m really into you, I’ve just been super busy.” Come on, man. You know this is complete bullshit. How many times has a “super busy” girl that’s “totally into you” ever come around? How many times has this line been the beginning of the end with regard to you dating someone? So why keep falling for it? What it means is that she’s not that into you and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by coming right out and saying it. Deep down you probably already knew that. The irony is, the best chance you have of her somehow becoming less busy at some point it to take it in stride and move on.

6.    “You don’t care.” I obviously haven’t shown you in the way you want that I actually do care. However, you go extreme and just tell us we don’t care. Just tell us what we are doing wrong.

7.    “Am I Fat.” This actually isn’t a am I fat question. I’ve learned to never respond with, “well we could get in better shape and get a trainer.” What she’s asking is whether you think she’s attractive or not. Answer this question and DO NOT HESITATE, answer it quickly.

8.    “We Need.” This one is simple, she wants something, don’t think about it logically or you’ll be in a fight. Just get it for her.

9.    “We need to talk.” She wants to bitch about something you’ve done wrong. Sit down and listen cause she is going to complain about something you’ve done wrong. You want to absolutely set her off the edge, tell her the same thing. She won’t be able to think straight. She’ll assume worse case scenario immediately.

10.  Lastly, my personal favorite “I’m not emotional or overreacting.” Right? Everything you have said has been perfectly normal and logical. Talk to me when you are no longer on your period. You’re not in the right state of mind, you crazy person.

Stop Being a Dick

 

In trying to become the best parents we can, we teach our children from an early age that it’s actually not ok to make fun of someone. Hurting other children’s feelings is never ok. The importance of never putting someone down in taught. If our wonderful children don’t have anything nice to say, we urge them to not say anything at all.  In school, at home, or wherever else they may go, be nice to others we say.

In my brief stint as a parent, guess who copies everything I do or say? If I swear guess who picks up a swear word? If I get a snack guess who else wants a snack? That’s right, my children. We are such hypocritical assholes. I’ve always wondered why children could be so mean. I understand it now. Some people can absolutely be the rudest, most disrespectful, passive aggressive people out there.  We want our children to be nice but we aren’t willing to follow suit.

There are grown adults who feel the need to put others down like it’s their fucking job. They feel the need to belittle people, hurt them, or try to destroy them. In somehow, some shape or some form, instead of talking about how cool people are, they talk about how terrible these people are. They talk about the weaknesses and faults, instead of the abilities and talents these individuals have as if Satan himself had entered the building. 

People, “hear” something and proclaim it to be the gospel truth. Instead of taking things with a grain of salt, whatever is said in the heat of the moment becomes reality.  Since when did everything that was put on the internet or TV become the truth? Did we lose track of our ability to actually think before we react? The fire becomes fueled and instead of putting it out, we ignite it. Logs, gasoline, and whatever other igniter we can think of is thrown on the fire, all because we heard something.  Rarely if ever do we go to the source.

Let’s get something clear as well, being passive aggressive is still mean. Just because you don’t have the balls to say what you actually mean to the persons face, doesn’t make it ok. We all to a certain extent, become keyboard warriors. We hide behind the computer and are champions in our mind. We write something and screenshot our friends, so we can show them how, “cool” we are. Our friends write us back and say, “hell yeah, I can’t believe you wrote that. You’re the shit!” We perpetuate the cycle and things continue. However, the things we write would never have been something we would have said to an individual.  A dear friend of mine told me, we should never write something that we wouldn’t be able to confront an individual about.

There’s a certain sense of entitlement we feel. We believe we are better than someone if they don’t talk to us the way we want to be talked to or if they don’t do the things we believe they should do. We may have a job that pays more so we consider ourselves a higher class. In our narcissistic minds, we believe we are better than someone. It’s never ok to think that. Guess what you’re not better than me and I’m not better than you.

Lastly, we all each of have our own faults. It’s a fact, none of us our perfect. You can sit their with your small mind and believe your fault is not as big a deal as another’s or you can understand we all have them and we should be loving others for theirs. Maybe just maybe, instead of putting someone down, you should try and lift them up.  Maybe we should heed our own advice and be kind. Kindness and understanding have become such a rarity these days. Be the one that breaks out of that cycle. Be the bold one in the group that doesn’t go with the flow when someone is being put down. Just be a good human and love those no matter what. Stop being a dick and start being a nice kind human for once.