I owe this article to a lot of different people I have met throughout my life. Because of some recent comments and opinions, my mind has been spinning; the thoughts I finally jotted down today.
Kindness. One simple word. I've reflected a lot on this one word, while it also draws a lot of attention to my flaws. So I asked myself what does kindness really look like? Is it even something that can be reached or does the true definition of kindness only exist in fairytales?
For so long, kindness was a theme that was commonly used in high school and college to describe women or men we didn't find attractive. It became apparent that making up some word would be better than not saying anything at all. It became a go-to that most of us would use to characterize certain people. I can't count how many times I heard the phrase, "but she's really nice." It almost became an insult to be known as kind.
Words like bitch, jerk, asshole, dick and so many others have become common place in our society. It’s now ok to be a bitch because apparently that defines a person as getting and knowing what they want. People define themselves as this as if it's ok. The number of times I've heard, "he couldn't handle me because I can be a bitch" is unbelievable.
Want to insult someone nowadays? Tell them they’re kind. Watch them squeal as they wonder if that is the only word you will use to define them. Don't believe me? Go try it. I did it all morning and more often than not people responded with, "Thanks. I guess."
Yes, I really did it….I went to the mall this morning in Salt Lake City and asked 100 different people if they considered themselves to be kind. 93 people responded they did. When I then asked if they were kind to everyone they know: only 23 people responded they were. 70 percent believed they were kind people but weren't kind all the time. The seven percent that responded they weren't kind also stated they were kind to some people. I find it interesting that 93% of people considered themselves kind but admitted they weren't kind to everyone. This leads me to believe that do we actually know what true kindness is. But ask yourself, someone saw you behind closed doors, would they consider you kind?
As pain sets into our heart throughout our lives, we get momentary gratification when we throw pain onto someone else. Our shallow minds believe that if we hurt someone else, it will make us look better or feel better. Hate is a drug that can be very addicting, at times almost impossible to quit. Hate becomes cheap and easy, as negative comments about an individual roll off tongues as if these words are gospel truth. We rarely know a chapter of the truth in someone's life but act as if we know the whole book. It's easier to jump off the “making fun of” cliff with our buddies than to put our foot down and say, "Fuck that. I think that person is badass." I don't know why standing up for someone and being kind has become so difficult. We all believe that because we’re kind to our friends, that we’re truly kind. Really? I’m calling bullshit on that. Kindness isn't mutually exclusive. It’s all inclusive.
Let me be clear. I'm no exception to this rule. I've taken the hate drug more times than I can possibly count and it's never led me to satisfaction. Making fun of someone, while maybe given me temporary gratification, has never given me lasting comfort and joy. My mother taught me based of her actions what kindness looks like. I've never heard her say a bad thing about anyone, ever. Being rude is not something I was taught growing up. It was never present in my house.
These past 6 months, I've had the opportunity to climb more mountains and be on more peaks than ever in my life. The mountain trails are beautiful. Each one is so different. Some are gradual inclines over a longer distance, while others have a steeper elevation over a shorter distance. While each path is different, the elevation gain is the same. There are hundreds of ways to get the top. No which way being better than the next.
This is the same with each person we meet. They may choose a different path but we’re all on the same mountain. Each trail and each person has their own distinct qualities that make them beautiful. As we climb our individual trails, we’ll stumble and fall but none of us should be characterized by that. Rather, we should be defined by our journey, not judged by which path. When we can recognize and lift others up, we will begin to understand what life is all about.
Over the next 30 days, I'm starting a challenge to be positive and show compassion and kindness. I ask you to join me. It’s my goal to right some of the wrongs I've done; to be kind to some of those I haven't. I have some tough phone calls to make and some hard letters to write, but I'm committed to kindness and compassion. I'll track my journey and for once in my life I'm done taking the cheap hate drug and look to find the exclusive kindness pill.
To anyone else who wants to join this journey with me, let me know. Let's start a group and begin a kindness movement. Let's make being kind cool again.
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