1. You always choose tails in a coin flip.
2. Always stick up for your family and friends.
3. ALWAYS believe in yourself, no matter what.
4. If someone gets hurt, it’s only ok to laugh if they don’t look hurt.
5. If you’re rude to someone, I will have no tolerance. Mean people suck. But remember to always be kind.
6. Fountain drinks at the gas station always taste better than 2-liter bottles at the store.
7. In my house, Santa Claus will always exist. It’s better to believe that a ghost may walk down the stairs and scare the shit out of you. Makes life much more interesting.
8. Stand up for what you believe in. Being quiet to avoid confrontation is not ok. It doesn’t make you kind. It makes you passive.
9. You’ll make mistakes. Suck it up, learn from it and move on.
10. We do not cheer for BYU. Ever.
11. If the computer is broken, just turn it off and then back on. I don’t know why this works but it does.
12. Dress with class.
13. If you hear some funny/loud noises coming from my shut bedroom door, don’t open the DAMN DOOR.
14. Most of the things you worry about will never happen.
15. If you end up in jail, you probably better call me and not your mom. I’ll be mad. She’ll be furious.
16. We never push or hit girls and we always open doors. Chivalry should never be dead.
17. I get to shoot a super soaker at your face for every second you waste playing Nintendo.
18. We may fail, but we never quit.
19. If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw a chocolate at her.
20. No one ejects his or her USB safely from the computer. It’s just a big waste of time. Just pull it out.
21. For the love of God, don’t stick hand soap in the dishwasher.
22. I make mistakes, get used to it.
23. Come up with a better answer than, “I didn’t answer because my phone died.”
24. I’ll push education more than sports. You won’t understand this in school, but when you get older you’ll thank me.
25. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
26. When in doubt, mumble.
27. You can drink, but only in moderation.
28. If you judge someone for his or her race, sexual orientation, gender, or religion I will judge you for being stupid.
29. Winning is fun, but it teaches you nothing. Failure is the best teacher in this world. Winning is a trophy, failing is an education.
30. If I take you to a sporting event, know if you want to leave before it’s over you’re never coming again.
31. The best things in life aren’t things.
32. No matter what you do, what stupid decision you make, I will always love you.
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