Life as Being a Single Dad

Life sends us on many mysterious journeys’, many of which could never have been dreamt in the wildest of dreams. It’s a constant soul searching path in which we climb to the tallest of mountains and swim in the coldest deepest of oceans to find out our meaning. In a week from today I turn 30, and being a single dad with two kids would never have been something I would have thought would be dealt to me. Guess what, it did. Here’s what being a single dad is like, at least in my case.

I have a sassy daughter, who constantly keeps me on my toes. She tugged on my shoulder and told me that she needed her hair French braided like her mom does. I glanced down at the innocence of my four year old and responded, “and I’d really like a million dollars but have you seen my head, it’s bald. What in our four year experience together makes you think that would be something that would be in my wheel house?” I never imagined I’d be braiding hair… I mean that’s a moms job right? Not at our house. We pulled up youtube and we learned. The sassy four year old can now look like Elsa at her hearts desire.

Junior High, I remember taking classes that taught us how to cook. The same class also taught us about sewing, ect. I’ll give you a moment to guess who didn’t pay one ounce of attention to that class. Yep, me. I could have given two shits about it. When would I ever need that? First of all, maybe when I was in college and single but at that point like I cared about nutrition. I’ll ask the kids what they want for dinner and they yell, “Mcdonalds.” That’s easy enough, when I realize I can’t feed them Mcdonalds for the 3^rd freaking time. Guess what we’ve been doing? Getting on the youtube to learn to cook. I still suck at cooking but I’m getting better.

Mother’s have this gift for compassion and love. I’ve watched my wonderful sister pick up her kids and hug them after they fall down or get hurt and tell them it’s all going to be ok. Makynli and Beckham were wrestling and Beckham hit her lip and it started gushing blood. I followed the footsteps of my sister and picked her up right? Wrong! I calmly repeated, “Kynli learn how to be tough, it’s not that bad you’re going to be fine.” She stopped crying and said, “I look like a badass huh dad….” Yes you do Makynli but don’t tell your mom that. Which leads me to my next mishap as a dad.

Let me preface this next part by saying, my ex wife and I have a pretty close relationship. I’m lucky. She’s a damn good mom, however we don’t always see eye to eye. Not to mention my four year old has a photograph memory and when she repeats something she’s never wrong. Each of our exchanges involve my ex wife asking me if I taught the kids new swear words, or ask me about something that’s happened. Which I then say, "I'm just glad we are all still alive! Each day getting out the door seems, without tears, or someone hurt is a win! "One of my least favorite things my children say is we don’t do that at mom’s house, which I constantly respond with, “Oh you don’t do that at moms house huh? I don’t care, that’s horseshit, we do it at dads house.” Guess who tells mom everything we do at dads house! 

I'm not a perfect dad, but what does perfect mean? Things may get a little crazy but there's always an abundance of love. Being single has taught me to put my phone down when the kids are over, to laugh, scream, dance (yes every night before bed we have dance parties.) We hike, stay busy, read books, go on adventures, cuddle on the couch while watching kids shows, eat ice cream, do stupid shit, ect. Being a single dad has taught me how to actually be a dad. No matter what ever happens in life I'll always have those to beautiful babies. Here are a bunch of other things I've learned along the way:

-When it’s 9 pm and your daughter says she wants to workout with you, the first thought that comes to mind shouldn’t be, “my child is a badass.” She just wants to stay up.

-Kids are going to get bumps and bruises.

-When a strange man rubs your child’s head walking down the street, momma bear comes out. That is not pretty for anyone.

-Four year old girls ask more questions about who your dating then anyone I've ever met. If they aren't satisfied with your answers they'll keep asking. 

-Two year olds are small and can hide anywhere. Very scary, rarely can I find mine and he'll play it even if I don't want to. 

-When you’re at the pool always pay attention to where your two year old is because if you turn your eyes for two seconds he might have made his way to the diving board, fully clothed, ready to jump in.

-When it’s 2 am and your child is crying, that’s all you. 

-Kids (at least my kids love to be outside.)
-There are times when you’ll want to slap the shit out of your child when they throw themselves on the floor at the grocery store. However you’ll just smile and wave as people go by. 
-I prefer diarrhea to throw up however regardless of what it is I’m cleaning it up. 
-I’ve learned to block out my child’s non stop stories about anything and everything. Let’s get real she’s four. What earth shattering thing can she really tell me. 

-I know we should eat healthy so sometimes I don’t care and we eat out. 
-If they ask enough times I’ll either get pissed or just give in. 
-My four year old has more fashion sense than most adults. 

 
-No matter how big or mean you are if your two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it. 
-After the first you think I’m for sure not having any more kids and by the second you wonder what the hell you were thinking. 
-Wiping off snot with your hand is ok. 
-You learn to be ok with watching the same show over and over and over again. 
-There will be messes, spills in places you couldn’t imagine. 
-If you leave a two year old boy in a room by himself, don’t ever be surprised what you find when you come back in the room. 

-You’ll prefer to watch frozen or toy story to going out to a bar or dinner with friends. 
-Anything past 10:00 pm will seem really late. 
-One night you’ll wake up to your child peeing in the middle of the hall. 
-There are times when your kids embarrass you it's ok to look around and say whoever kids these are get them under control! Then just walk away. 
-Toy cars fit perfectly down a toilet. 
-You get a little smile on your face when they look at you during Christmas like you want me to go sit on that fat old mans lap, hell no!
-You don’t have to worry about your child saying, “well my mom says.” I shut that down right away and say you’re at dads so my rules go! 
-Be prepared to know every word of every Disney song. 
-Dance parties before bed are rocking awesome. 
-Hugs and kisses are the best!
-Child locks are meant for a reason, you don’t put them on you’ll find out on the freeway going 70 mph why they are on there. 
-If the window is rolled down and your son has something in his hands, it’s going out the window. 
-Watch what you say cause your 4 year old will repeat it to her mom. 

-It’s really hard to not laugh when your child swears. 
-Cuddling on the couch is pretty amazing. 
-When you date you date for your kids too… It’s a different feeling. 
-You learn to not be selfish. 
-You give a two year old boy a crayon and not a permanent marker. 
-Finally no matter what happens in life. If you have kids, you have little people that love you and think you’re cool no matter the faults or weaknesses you have.