2015 Here I Come!

Every since I’ve heard of what a blog was I always wanted to write one.  I was inspired today after reading a friend of mine’s, to begin one. It is a little scary to put my thoughts out for anyone to read, but I’ve finally mustered up the courage to take a chance. After going through a divorce, I remember reading a blog of a friend of mine and it helped me make it through. Before you read ahead, I caution you to read at your own risk.  By no means is my way of thinking always right but it’s what I believe and think. I can have a vulgar mouth (which I’m certain will offend my mom and I know I’ll get several calls from her).  I say what I think, there’s no fluff. I’m certain I’ll offend most if not all of you. If you’re still up for reading… Here we go…

Life without exception is an interesting journey. Methodically our lives our sketched out and planned. For after all, each of us knows how to obtain happiness right? I mean heaven forbid something bad happen that forces us to alter our perfect path. Happiness to me 20 years ago, involved me being a ninja turtle.  While everything has changed (well not too much I now want to be a Viking) each day alters what our perception of happiness was. When you think everything in life is figured out, a curve ball is thrown your way. When I’m thrown a curve ball in life not only do I swing and miss, I turn the bat, smack the catcher and just start swinging at shit everywhere. The older I get, the more I learn and come to understand the less I know.

2014, guess what…. Ok, ready? I hope you’re all sitting down. When I lost the person I cared most about, I made shit up in hopes to get her back when she left me. Wrong? It totally was. If I could do it over again, would I? Definitely! Friends I thought were my best friends a year ago, have blocked me, stop talking to me, and avoided me like the plague as if I’ve done some unimaginable thing to them, without ever talking to me.  I’ve never been judged, ridiculed, humiliated, laughed at, thrown under the bus, disrespected, more than I have the last 5 months. Have you ever gotten on social media, only to read a slam about you from other people? I have, and it’s by no means anything I would hope anyone else would ever have to go through. Sticks and stones hurt but guess what, sometimes words fucking hurt too! 

While at first it caused me to lose sleep, go into a kind of depression, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My whole life I tried to please everyone and be everything to him or her. With the guidance and love of my dear cousin and best friend Nate Bagley I had to learn how to not care what anyone thought about me. I came to live the expression other peoples opinions of you are none of your business. Everyone thinks they know the whole story but they don’t and guess what it really doesn’t matter. 

While we all want a pill that will fix things fast, guess what? They don’t exist. We have to go through pain, experience it, live it, to truly get to where we are destined to be. Over the last 3 months, I’ve learned what a true friend looks like. Certainly glad, certain ones are no longer a part of it. You never want the ones that aren’t willing to stand by you in tough times there anyways. I’ve learned to live by the simple quote of my dear friend Carlos T. Hill, “live well.” I’ve been to the top of more mountains, experienced more joy, been in better shape, laughed harder, and smiled bigger than I have in the last 3 months.

I have full heart because I understand what a broken heart feels like.

I run fast but only because I once walked slowly and out of breath.

I don’t quit because I’ve felt the loneliness and sorrow of throwing in the towel.

I care and am there because I know what getting left is like.

I don’t judge because I’ve been mistreated and disrespected.  

I’ll always lend a listening ear because I’ve been ignored when I needed someone.

I am strong, because I know what it’s like to be weak.

Most importantly I will never in my whole life make fun of someone cause I’ve been there and it’s degrading and terrible experience.

Life is great. I’ve never been happier and am thankful for my two little beautiful blue-eyed babies, my wonderful family, amazing friends, kick ass teammates and everyone else who is a part of my life. 2015 is going to be the best one yet. Cheers to the new year and kindness.