Nate Bagley

It’s been awhile since I’ve written one of these. This is long overdue and if I didn’t give my gratitude it would be a shame. I started a “thankful Thursday” awhile back. I wanted to start this again, so here we go.

I think occasionally you have someone in your life that is a constant blessing. They are the ones you don’t know how you ever got lucky enough to be able to call them a friend. This person, I’ve known for 31 years. Let me tell you a little about him.

I haven’t always made the best decisions in life, frankly I tend to learn my lesson the hard way. Unfortunately when you do this, you have friends that come a go. You’ll have some that understand while others may not. Throughout all the trials I’ve been through, this person has always been there. His friendship, never wavered. He believes in me more than I’ve ever believed in myself. He’s been that constant rock that I always knew would be there. While many judge, he listens. While others throw stones, he stands in front to protect letting the stones hit him.

He started two successful businesses. His ideas and unique and thought provoking. He’s a genius at his craft. While some are posers, he’s the real deal. He’s traveled around the country to gain of vast knowledge of his craft. His dedication and passion has been about love. Not about fame or wealth but about finding out about and finding the purest form of love. His put himself on the line, loved with all his heart, been rejected like many of us. He knows the happiness and heartbreak love can bring.

He’s an inspiration to many. If you ever need him, he’s there. He stands for his beliefs but is quick to listen and see things from other people’s point of view.

His titles include: son, brother, uncle, cunckle, grandson, and friend.

I’m lucky to not only call him a friend, cousin but brother. Thank you Nate Bagley. You’re an inspiration to me. Love you dude. 

Mistakes Led to Happiness

This one is a little hard for to write. I don't know if I'll have all the perfect words. However, I'll try my best. I'm writing it in hopes that even if it helps one person, I'll consider it a win. I got asked today what changed for me over the last year. What my tipping point was. To give you the answer to that, I need to give you a back story. 

Somewhere along the way of life, I became very insecure and unhappy with myself. I tried so hard to fit in and be like everyone else. I grew up in a very religious home. I had never doubted my parents loved me. Out of all things in life, I'm certain my parents love me. However, I got stuck in this cycle of trying to please people. I always did what I was told and rarely got in trouble as a kid. I believed everything anyone ever told me and I never ventured to question anything. 

This became difficult growing up, not only in a religious home, but a religious community. I distinctly remember if someone had tried alcohol (or coffee for that matter), looked at porn, had sex, didn't go to church, didn't read their scriptures, ect... They had ventured off the deep end. I did what my parents taught me cause I respected them, and I never felt like I belonged to the LDS church. I felt like it wasn't who I was. I was so scared to tell anyone that though. I was scared to say maybe this isn't for me. I mean how couldn't it be for me, the people I respected more than anyone were believers. I did like everyone else, attended church, went on a mission, agreed to callings, prayed, and read my scriptures never without any questions. 

I've read a lot of things where people now said they finally realized they had been brainwashed or how bad the LDS religion is, ect. I am not in that same category. Not even a little bit. I believe Mormons can be some of the kindest, most understanding, forgiving people that are out there. I mean my mom for example. There's no one more loving and tolerant than her. Between myself and my little brother you kind of have to be. Like anything, there are people who fit in the 10% that frankly are just dicks. I know a kid that went to the same mission as me and was in the same group as me say some of the most nasty things behind my back and proclaimed himself to be a great active member. Like anything I believe those people exist. For me, I feel loved and supported by most people that I know. 

I got married in the temple and started not going to church. I started doing other things. I was so unsure about life, that I was extremely unfair to my ex-wife. She didn't know what she signed up for. She wanted to be an active member and slowly over time I was starting to realize I didn't. Jess and I were always friends, but never saw eye to eye on a lot of things. Unfortunately for me and her, I took the cowards way out and cheated. I wasn't man enough to tell her, I didn't want the same things as her. I learned a lot from Jess. Continued to this day. She never threw me under the bus. She never took my kids away. She's never used that against me. She ended up marrying a pretty damn good dude, who's also great with my kids. 

I was at a low place in my life and met a girl who changed a lot of different things for me. The relationship was doomed from the start. To be honest, we just weren't good for each other. I think both of us just wanted to be loved by someone and were willing to compromise to get what we considered love. Instead of being independently happy, we were reliant on each other for love and happiness. I don't know if you've ever been in this position before, but it's a terrible place to be. On the outside looking in, it looked like we were happy. However, reality is we weren't. We fought all the time. Said terrible things to each other. I quickly learned that you never know what a persons life is like. You never know what they are going through. 

We ended up getting engaged and I think in the back of my mind I thought everything would change. It just made it worse. Everything became an insecurity. Nothing we ever did was good enough for the other person. I was so reliant on her for happiness, I didn't even know what happiness was. Eventually she ended up leaving one day, at that time I didn't understand why? i was so hurt, I never knew how I could get over what had just happened. Never in my life did I realize that was the start of the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Let me get something clear. Before you think I hate this person and am glad they are out of my life, that is the farthest thing from the truth. I'm super grateful for her. She helped me in a round a bout way become who I am today. She helped me step away from what I was taught and that it was ok to be different. She showed me it's ok to be crazy passionate about something regardless of what anyone else says. At the end of the day, you have to be you. I respect her passion for life. She was bat shit crazy, but that's what makes her great. We just weren't great for one another. 

When she left it turned everything I ever knew upside down and I didn't know best how to deal with what life had thrown my way. So what did I decide to do? The worst thing I could possibly have chosen of course. Why you ask? Because usually I like to learn the hardest way possible. I don't make things easy on myself. I made up a bunch of stuff that wasn't true, didn't take the breakup like a man, became fixated on things she told other people about me, and reacted when she threw something back in my face instead of letting it go, ect. It goes on forever. I let it effect each aspect of my life. I fixated on it. I couldn't shake it from my brain. I got let go from work because I wasn't doing my job correctly, I spent less time with my kids, I became super unhappy. I had been so dependent on someone, I forgot how to make myself happy. My daughter stopped coming to my house she was so mad at me. Blaming me for everything that happened. She was visibly hurt. My life became a shit show. 

I owe a lot of people a lot of thanks for never giving up on me. I'm certain I was a complete disaster of a human. Frankly, at that point in my life probably a waste of space. I wasn't a good dad or person for that matter. I'm not overreacting, I'm just being honest. I wasn't happy. I hated every day. Every moment. Every second. I just wanted to wake up and start all over. I was so embarrassed about everything in my life. I couldn't face anything I had done. Then, it all changed. 

I think occasionally we get a moment of inspiration that can change our lives forever. I started a run up a mountain in Little Cottonwood Canyon all by myself on an overcast day. It started to snow but I kept going. I started to breathe hard. Sweat started coming down my face and the run became a head on collision with all problems I had faced in life. I kept running harder and harder. The snow was falling like crazy It was a white out but I didn't stop. It got steep and slippery but I didn't stop. I got to the top of the mountain and felt so vindicated. I finally put together a couple things that I had known all my life. I could change. I could change right that second and didn't have to wait any longer. Here's what I realized:

1. It was ok to be me. It was ok to not be an active LDS member. I could be happy by doing what I believed was right, regardless of what thousands around me believed. 
2. It's ok to be different. Fitting in isn't that cool anyways. The only thing in life you can do is be you. There's enough people in this world that someone is bound to accept you. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with anyways. 
3. To be great, you have to surround yourself with greatness. I believe and will always believe, you will be like the people you surround yourself with. I already had amazing parents, siblings, great kids, Nate, and so many others. I chose aat that moment to surround myself with great people and that's help make so much difference in my life. I have the best friends. I'm only a decent person because all you that read this are great! I have the best examples of friends in this entire world. 

4. Be selfless: So simple, so unassuming, but oh so difficult. Make someone else happy. It's amazing how quickly you forget about who has "wronged you" when you are serving someone else. This is something my dear parents taught me as a little boy. I've always known this but constantly forget. Mow someone's lawn, call and ask someone how their day is, offer help, take a friend out to dinner. Go out of your way to make a strangers day. Spend less time thinking about yourself. Stop worrying about you and start giving a shit about someone else.

5. Be kind: It doesn't cost a damn thing to be kind. There's no need to be rude. Let me make something clear, being kind doesn't mean being nice to 75% of the people we know. It means being kind to those we don't want to be kind to. Kindness is all-inclusive not exclusive. We don't need to be unkind to those that have wronged us. Fact of the matter is we never know what others are going through. Smile, listen, offer advice, and stop being a dick.

6. Don't ring the bell: Life is so hard, however the greatest joys have come when I did something I didn't think I could. If you commit to something, do it. Stop making excuses. Doing really hard things is pretty damn fun. I bought a cowbell and took the ringer out as a daily reminder that no matter how difficult life becomes, we don't ring the bell. It's ok to cry, be frustrated, yell, scream, or have doubt. However keep moving forward and don't you quit!

7. It's ok to make mistakes. It's never ok to run from them and hide. 

8. It's never ok to not take responsibility for things. Since we all make mistakes know what yours are and own them. Don't blame other people for your own short comings. Do what you can. 

9. Don't worry about what you can't control. Why you ask? You'll never be able to control it anyways. 

10. Don't judge. just don't f*cking do it. We all have hard things in life and we never know where others are at in life. 

11. Most importantly, spend time with your kids. They need it, you need it. Trust me on this one. 

I have learned a lot of lessons in life, mostly all the hard way. I do my own thing, I say what I think, I'm not an active mormon member, I use bad words, I occasionally drink, I've done everything in life you can do wrong. However, if you needed something I'd be there, if you need help I'm the person you call, if you need someone to listen my ears are open, I work hard, I never talk negatively on others, I love my children, and most importantly through everything that's ever happened to me in life I've found happiness. I do random shit, but I have fun. I remember the little things. I put others first. I have fun. I climb mountains. Ride my bike. Take vacations. Play like my son. Laugh at dirty jokes. Drink wine. Swim in mucky lakes. This is me. This is who I am. This is why I act the way I do. I've finally found who I am. This is why I'm happy. 

Surround yourself with greatness and you can't lose.

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not an elite athlete, I'm not an expert in any field, nor have I done anything of significance in my life. However, these are the things I've personally done, specifically over the last 5 months that have allowed me to achieve some personal goals I never thought were possible for me. I've been happier than I've ever been and I attribute a lot of that to these five things I've implemented in my life.

1. Have Fun- If what you're doing isn't fun, you'll quit almost every time. If it's something you aren't passionate about, it's never worth it. There's going to be days you'll be out on a bike in the 100 degree weather, up studying till 3 am, writing a book with no logical ideas flowing. If there's no fun or passion, it will suck a million times more on those rough days. You'll quit a million times over if you don't love it.

2. The People- Let me explain, this has been one of the biggest changes I've made and have seen incredible results. First of all, don't you dare for one second, surround yourself with people that don't believe in you. Get rid of the negativity in your life and do it now. You don't have to compete with anyone, you don't have to listen to anyone's bullshit. It's draining, it's demeaning, and it will kill your spirit. Use the unfriend, unfollow, block button or whatever you have to do and do it. You don't owe anyone an explanation if someone makes you feel like less of a person. Trust me, getting the negative energy and unkind people out of your life that have ulterior motives than being a support system for you, will be a weight off your shoulders.

Secondly surround yourself with people that are great and better than you. I've been so blessed. For real: My two babies, parents, sister, brother, brother in law, Nate, Nat, Enoch, Dan, Eric, Mark, Allison, Ashley, Ashlan, Cait, all my E3 teammates, Zoot team, people I've rolled with on the bike, hit the mountains on the trails with, high school boys I train, the list could go on forever. I'm inspired to see what exciting things they push themselves to. They've taught me limits are not barriers but just mile markers. My friends are anything but average, they do mountain bike races, documentaries, ultra marathons, Ironmans, podcasts. How could I be anything less than inspired every single day? I am who I am because of them!

Surround yourself with greatness and you can't lose.

3. Have A Plan-You have to have a plan. It's almost impossible to know where you're going without a roadmap. It's hard to know what your goals, dreams, and aspirations are. As cliché as it is, if you don't plan, plan to fail. Start each day, week, month, and year with a plan. Know where you're going and how you're going to get there. Readjust this roadmap as necessary.

4. Do The Things That are the Hardest-In any endeavor we take on there's things we just aren't good at. There will be things, we just don't want to do! They just f*cking suck. I was never good at hills on the bike. Why? Because they hurt every time I did them. They hurt because I never did them. I was never willing to take that step to confront my fears and face them straight on. I'm not amazing at hills but after 125,000 ft of elevation gain in three months I'm much better than I used to be. The things that you want to constantly navigate away from are most likely the things you need to do.

5. Consistency-This means so many different things to me. It means doing what you say you're going to do each and every day, it means sacrificing a Friday night to get done what you said you were going to do, it requires going out in the rain, snow, sun, or whatever to finish something. It basically means doing something every single day regardless of the circumstances or challenges. Consistency over a sustained period of time is anything but easy, but necessary.

Be unwavering, be strong, be consistent, be great, and be relentless.

Do It Until You Can't Get It Wrong

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever believe a 5 year old would teach me so much about life. Occasionally I feel like the child and it’s my little one who is wise beyond her years. Here’s the thing, most of us watch speeches, listen to talks, read books; talk the talk but rarely do our actions match our thoughts and or words.

I consider myself a pretty resilient person. I may go as far as calling it a strength of mine. However, what I’ve learned from my daughter doesn’t even put me in the same category as she is.

Let me give you a brief example. I bought my daughter a balance bike a while ago so she could learn balance. My hope was this would help her transition easily to a regular bike. I didn’t know the exact science behind it, but I figured we’d give it a try. The time came for her to get a “normal bike.” My only caveat was I told her she wasn’t allowed to put training wheels on the bike and had to wear a helmet, all things that she agreed to.

She took her bike outside and got on it. She fell. Quickly after the fall she got back on. Fell again. A third time she got back on the bike, any guesses to what happened? That’s right, she fell again. Now here’s my first point. Most of us, myself included, when it gets hard, would try again another day. Not my 5 year old. She got back on time after time right then and there. She wasn’t frustrated or mad. She kept herself together and continued to learn. Over the hour I watched her ride, she learned how to stop her bike, how to put her foot down when she wasn’t moving quickly enough, and to pedal the bike.

Finally after an hour of doing this all by herself, she rode her bike all the way down the street. Elated and getting it on video, I gave her a hug and asked if she wanted to come inside now. What I didn’t think would happen was her response. Simply she stated, “No. I’m going to keep practicing so I can balance better and learn to ride faster.”

I was stunned. It wasn’t good enough for her to just learn how to do something right. She was going to improve and practice until she could nearly master the trade.

This was a great life lesson for me. To watch such a small bit of tenacity go such a long way in a short amount of time. Amazing. Truly. Things are hard. We will fall, want to quit, throw in the towel. However, at that exact moment we should learn and discover why we fell, and then get right back up and try again. Most importantly, none of us should stop when we get it right. We need to keep at it until  we can no longer get it wrong.

Take a step away, gather yourself, and get your shit together

Learn how to step away, gather yourself, and get your shit together.

We’ve all been in that moment of panic, despair, where we felt like everything was closing in on us. Our muscles were too sore, too weak, too fatigued to continue on. The last thing we wanted to do was run one more mile, or lift one more weight. We had convinced our mind a thousand times over that it was ok to quit and we had already pushed hard enough. There were other athletes and people that were standing around, yelling at us to go faster or lift more but we had already decided we were done.

I’ve learned one very important thing in these moments of panic and despair. It’s ok to step away from the bar, breathe deep, count to ten, and tell yourself to get your shit together.

I was on a run two weeks ago, my legs weren’t feeling it and I had told myself it hurt too much and I was going to only run four miles instead of the planned seven. At mile four when I had originally told myself I was going to quit, I stopped. However, instead of quitting, I took a deep breath, counted to ten, told myself to stop being a pansy and to get my shit back together. I don’t know why, but it worked. It slowed the pain and the panic down that I had originally been feeling and I finished the seven miles.

It’s ok to take a step away and gather yourself. Occasionally we need that moment to ourselves saying it will be ok. The next time you feel overwhelmed no matter what exercise in sports or life you are doing, slow your body down, take a deep breath, count to ten, and get your shit back together. Then get back to it and hit it harder than you ever thought was possible.

A Hero Amongst Us

This past weekend one of my very best friends was involved in a life altering accident. Coming home from a fun night out, the car they were driving careened off the freeway flipping three times. Through the midst of this tragedy, my friend’s life partner, threw his body over hers to protect her from any harm coming her way. The car finally skid to a terrifying stop. Silence filled the air. My friend threw herself out of the car to run to the other side to see if the love of her life was indeed ok. As she approached the other side of the vehicle, she knew at that exact moment that things would be different. The paramedics took him out of the car and rushed him into surgery to begin the repair of facial fractures and many other serious injuries he sustained. He currently sits in critical condition with brain swelling amidst a hundred other things. 

When my friend shared this horrific story, it reminded me of something that is so simple but seems to be incredibly difficult. It’s a small tragedy that each of us will go through at some point in our lives.  In a blink of an eye, everything we have ever come to know – love or  hate – can change. That’s it. In one split fucking second a moment can alter life as we have come to know it. People we love can be gone before we can say a word. Goals and dreams can be dashed without warning. 

A story like this puts everything into crystal clear perspective. And all of us need to cut it out. Stop taking loved ones for granted.  Stop being mean or short. No more holding grudges.  No judging.  No criticizing. Just cut it out. All of it.

Yet it seems so difficult to look at all we have, and realize in the blink of an eye, it could vanish.  I believe, and will always believe, that we see what we want to see. The faults we once found attractive become something we despise in those we love. The jokes we used to laugh at come at annoyance. The once awesomeness and dedication becomes an old memory.

Look, trust me when I say I understand how terrible people can be. I’ve been both the asshole and the person that was put down as many of us in life have been. Be grateful for everyone that has at some point been put in your life. Too often we take those closest to us for granted. Too often we focus on the flaws that other people have and not the strengths they’ve blessed our lives with. 

I did something I’ve never done before. I wrote down the names of ten people that I felt had wronged me, or I didn’t like very much. I thought about each individual I had jotted down and wrote three things about them I liked. Each person, whether they ever know it or not, taught me some kind of lesson I will be eternally grateful for.

Tell those that mean the world to you how much they mean to you. Tell them you love them. Hug them, do stupid things with them. Live your life as if today is the last day you’ll spend with them.  I know that I’m going to give my two little babies the biggest hug and kiss whether they want it or not the next time I see them.

To my dear friend Amber, thank you for showing me we all make mistakes but we love anyways. We know the mistakes of those closest to us because we know more about them then anyone else. Love them for their flaws, love them for everything special they do in our lives, and love them for the many blessing s they bring to your life.

To Chris, you have a support system way beyond anything you could ever imagined. Be the fighter you are and give it everything you got. For someone that throws his or her body over another’s is nothing short of a real life hero. Thank you for showing us that heroes still exist.

6 Things I'd Do If They Weren't Illegal

1. Rob a bank-You heard me right; this actually may be my career if getting caught didn’t entail spending life in prison. It seems like the ultimate game. You try to protect your money as best you can, and I’ll try to take it from you.

2. Swim in the fountains that have the no swimming signs up-First of all if there’s a sign that says, “don’t, no touching, no crossing, ect” It seems more like a challenge to me. When at no point had I ever thought about doing what it told me to not do, it now had become one of the only things I know for sure I want to do.  I’d love to be backstroking through the Bellagio fountains as they are going off.

3. I’d eat a pot brownie for certain-Look I’m a runner and would never put any kind of smoke down my lungs ever. However, those individuals that smoke pot just look like they are having the time of their lives. So why I’d never smoke it, I may eat a pot brownie.

4. Light fireworks, wherever and whenever the hell I wanted to-Yeah, I’d basically walk around with a bag full of fireworks and light them off each time I entered a room or just when I felt like it.  Reminds me of being in Europe on New Year’s as I was walking down the street and people were shooting bottle rockets out their apartment windows. So scary but so badass.

5. Trespass-See the thing is I’d like to find a way to get into a house (without breaking anything) so I’d just be entering. Instead of stealing things, I’d like to rearrange things. When the individual got home, they’d find their bed in the kitchen, dinner table in the bathroom, ect. You know that type of stuff.
6. Swim naked in public-I don’t know why, I just would. I’ve enjoyed my speedo swimming, so I suppose this is the next step.